WHAT NEXT? 😓😓😪

I recently got my heart broken 😖. Contrary to what most people who saw my status update about this event thought, it wasn't by some guy or person, but it felt every bit as horrible, if not worse. Well, here's what really happened.

I am currently in my final year of university, and as is the custom, I have to complete a research project. By the end of the first semester, I had already completed and gotten approval from my supervisor for my chapters 1 and 3. I planned to finish chapter 2 (which is by far the longest 😩😩😩 in terms of what you have to type) during the Christmas break. I even had this plan to type 1 page per day and if all went as planned, I would be done before Christmas.

Oh, if wishes were horses, beggars would jump on top! Well, the holiday came and life happened. I had numerous movies to watch or games to play or naps to take or ceiling to hopelessly stare at. There was always something that really wasn't so important to do. I was only able to put together 1 page of chapter 2 during the holiday. PS: I didn't regret doing this for one second. I enjoyed every bit of my holiday and if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.



Fast forward to the end of Christmas break, so we're back in school and it's time to get those fake serious juices flowing again. The first week of school passed, the second week, third week; I was still on that one page. Well, I changed something in the last sentence so I guess I made some progress right? 😅

By the end of the third week, news came that mini defense was scheduled for the first week of February. (Insert every single procrastination adage you've ever heard). I had about 14 days to put together the entire chapter 2 that I had been lazying about all along.

So I like pacing my self. Giving myself time to get work done and also have a life! I had the subheadings I wanted to write on, the number of pages had to do per day planned out in my head and everything. If I missed any day or any target, that meant that I had to make up for it in the following days. By the end of the first week, this system was actually working. I was making steady progress.

Then came Sunday (dum dum dummmmm). I opened my laptop at night to resume chapter 2 from where I left off the previous day, lo and behold, gentlemen and ladies, the file I had been working on consistently for a week had vanished! GONE! without a trace! and I did not back up the file anywhere! I usually send the drafts I have been working on to myself via email so I can always have it there and I print my work as I progress for my supervisor to look through but since I was going to submit the whole chapter to my supervisor at once and I was still trying to get my ideas together to see what worked and what didn't, I didn't back up ANYWHERE. Yep, you guessed it, my heart shattered into a trillion granules of fine sand. 

At first, although I was in denial, 'no this can't happen, not today', there was a part of me that prepared for the disastrous event that the file had indeed disappeared, the part that always asks me 'so what next'. I checked everywhere, recycle bin, searched on PC and then I reverted to Google, my friend to see if people have experienced similar problems and what they did to get out of it. I tried all the 10 tips suggested by windows care and none worked! 2 hours had gone by and still nothing. 

In that moment of heartbreak, I had to face the reality that maybe all my week's work and months' of laziness had been erased from the face of the earth. I had to consciously ask myself the question this time, 'so what next?'. I had to start again, but not that night, not in that moment of indescribable hurt. I didn't cry though, I'm not so inclined to express my feelings through that medium 🙎. I had to sleep knowing well that the next couple of days might be one of the hardest and most emotionally demanding I have ever faced.

The next day I began anew, still sore from the events that took place the night before but looking ahead to the goal that had to be accomplished. This time I started making more progress and I actually backed up every single time (fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...)

Just when I thought that it couldn't get any worse, the worst thing happened. On the 3rd day after I had gone beyond where I was on the file that disappeared, the file miraculously REAPPEARED on my laptop like it never even left 😨😰. You know, like a good number of relationships when the party that ended things tries to get back with the party that didn't want the relationship to end in the first place.

At that moment, the track 'Gone for Good' by Nigerian artist Simi began playing in my head. '...so why you, have to pull me back, sheyb you say, you won't be coming back o, damn you! this is really bad, sheyb you say, you were gone for good... tell me why you come back ooo shey you want make I pack my load o 😭... sheyb na you tell me say you're gone for good ooo, shey na you tell me goodbye baby...'

I can't tell which was worse, losing the document that night or finding it 2 days later after I have made so much sacrifice to get to where I stopped. Well, I just compared both documents and realized that the 2nd one I had to do was much better than the initial document and oh yea, after lazying about the whole chapter 2 for 2 months, I finished it in 4 days. It was a heart wrecking occurrence by the end, I guess it was all worth it.

So maybe like me, your heart gets broken, by food or like most other people, by a partner, a trusted friend etc, I know it might feel like nothing could possibly make you feel more hurt than you feel at that moment and sometimes you might need a minute or a year to heal and accept all that has happened; don't feel guilty about taking all the time you need to feel better because while some can heal over a night's sleep, others may never fully heal till they take their eternal sleep but not to worry, time is only a construct so take as much as you need to feel better and when you do feel better, don't forget to ask the all too important question, WHAT NEXT?